Written by Alta Clark 

Alta Clark is pursuer of many paths, her current one being the start of a degree as an R.N., where she hopes to take her knowledge and apply it to her world climbing, skiing, dancing, and traveling. She has traditionally filled the role of mentor and educator, and is inspired by working with young people and women. Her life goals include being able to incorporate medicine with exercise physiology and psychology to help people understand that there are infinite approaches to serving their bodies and spirit.

Check out other articles written by Alta here.

Extreme Ownership

A few weeks ago my partner’s dad came and stayed with us for the weekend. He and my partner are both retired or semi-retired professional alpine climbers so a lot of our time together as a family has consisted of climbing, or talking about climbing. Since days in the mountains are normally very long endeavors, there’s a concept in the world of climbing known as the “alpine start.” Getting an alpine start on the day simply means starting as early as possible in order to ensure success by maximizing daylight. But for Rusty (my partner’s dad), “alpine starts” aren’t limited to just climbing days. He has a strict regimen of waking up at 5am every morning, which I asked him about. He told me he is motivated by “extreme ownership,” a concept he encountered through a podcast a few years ago.

The extreme ownership concept comes from Jocko Willink and Leif Babin who served as Navy SEAL officers in Ramadi during Operation Iraqi Freedom who took their military leadership experience and translated it into tools for people in the broad scope of leadership roles. The topic interested me, and it has been on my mind since then. The idea of extreme ownership has inspired me to pause and reflect on what I feel like I need to take more ownership of in my life and what I need to relinquish ownership of, especially in my relationships. According the Willink and Babin’s philosophy, the major tenants are: 

• Seize Accountability, Don’t Avoid It

• STANDARDS ARE WHAT YOU TOLERATE.

• ALL TEAM MEMBERS MUST BE BOUGHT IN TO THE MISSION.

• THE PLAN MUST BE SIMPLE, BUT IT DOESN’T MEAN THAT IT’S EASY.

• EMPOWER THOSE AROUND YOU.

• DISCIPLINE BRINGS FREEDOM.

Seize Accountability, Don’t Avoid It.

I find accountability to be a simple enough concept in regard to my personal success. When I’m the only one who experiences the consequences of my actions I find it easier to fudge my accountability a little bit. Like “eh, I don’t feel like doing my laundry today, I’ll do it tomorrow even though it might make the day more stressful for me.” But what about taking ownership when you’re part of a team and something goes wrong? For me it really takes an extra effort in ownership to take responsibility in scenarios when someone else is affected.

Lately this has manifested itself in my self-care, or lack thereof, and how this affects my relationships. I started seeing a therapist a few months ago and one of the things we’ve worked on together is ways to fill my cup so that I am able to pour more into others. I tend to prioritize my responsibilities pertaining to work or school far more than my responsibility to take care of myself and my relationships. I know that I have a lot to give, and that makes it really hard for me to say no to things. But by not saying no I’m not taking ownership of my own care which in turn affects the energy that I’m able to put into time with the ones I love and everything that I do. I’ve come to realize that being “unavailable” is just as important if not more than being “available,” and choosing not to take on more responsibilities doesn’t at all affect my value as an individual. 

Standards Are What You Tolerate. 

It’s one thing to set high standards, but it’s another thing entirely to enforce those standards. I love setting goals, and I love holding a high standard for myself, but often I fail on the follow through. I can’t tell you how many times I write down all my goals for the week or the month in my planner and only end up fulfilling one or two. What I need to focus on is ownership of what goals are reasonable and attainable, as well as ownership of the follow through.

All Team Members Must Be Bought In To The Mission. 

This is another one that really resonates with my relationships. A beautiful part of our humanity and what makes us able to empathize with each other is that we are able to understand and internalize other people’s experiences. In order for relationships to be able to grow and evolve, ‘all team members must be brought to the mission.’ It’s true that sometimes partners need to take turns carrying each other’s weight, but in order for this model to operate successfully, everyone needs to be in it 100% to establish trust. 

So, if you’re trying to cultivate change in your life, take ownership of making sure your support team understands your goals. They will be far more likely to give you the support you need if they understand your mission. Inversely, if something is being asked of you and you don’t understand why, you must take responsibility in asking for clarity so that you can do your job as well as possible. 

The Plan Must Be Simple, But It Doesn’t Mean That It’s Easy. 

This would make a great note to leave on my fridge. Something to look at every morning and remember that if something is difficult that doesn’t mean that I’m off track or on the wrong path. Oftentimes the simplest things in life are the most difficult. To climb a mountain may seem simple, but it certainly isn’t easy. It is also true that things don’t have to be hard to be good; in recognizing both sides of this coin I can choose to do the right hard things and not burnout doing everything or get stuck thinking that the easy thing is the right thing.

Empower Those Around You.  

When I get anxious my partner’s mantra for me is, “Be Love.” The feeling I get when I recall that mantra is similar to what I feel when I think about empowering those around me. It requires trust and conscious communication. For me, working to empower those around me includes positive feedback and sharing burdens, but also delegating responsibility.

I tend to be more of a “fix it” person and I like to do things myself. What I’m learning is that this tendency can sometimes come from a lack of trust in other people to do things well. In order to honor other people’s capabilities, I have to frequently remind myself to step back and allow others to take on roles in ways that suit them and knowing that trust will result in empowerment.

Discipline Brings Freedom. 

Another one of my mantras is, “It’s either hard now, or it’s hard later.” 

It’s always difficult for me to say no. I’m gratified by giving and learning and innovating with people around me, and so I’m always looking for more excuses to get involved. But if I don’t limit my capacity, I know I will have a much more difficult time managing things later. I owe it to myself and to those around me to know my limits and to take ownership of respecting those limits. I know when I start to let my priorities slip, I always have to work at least twice as hard to bring things back up to equilibrium, and I’m not the only one who will suffer along the way. 

Integrating Ownership

What I’m talking about when I say I want to start implementing extreme ownership is not that I’m looking to keep adding things to my plate, but instead that I’m taking responsibility for knowing myself and my limits. Cultures all around the world have different versions of the analogy of filling your cup so that you can fill others. It’s difficult for me to remember that filling my cup is not just a luxury, but an essential part of my role of being a whole and loving person and partner. Taking ownership of my life and my limits is how I can offer my best contribution to the world around me.

Read more about “Extreme Ownership” in this book.